


Closing Statements

by npse



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Death, Pain, Sadness, This isn't shippy at all, all of will's thoughts, idk how to tag so i'm just gonna go with, this is just me trying to deal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 05:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1457830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/npse/pseuds/npse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he thought about his death, this isn’t the way he thought it would happen.</p>
<p>He wasn’t ignorant enough to think he’d reach 80 and die in a country cottage with a nice wife by his side and a dog at his feet surrounded by pictures of his extended family, but he wasn’t arrogant enough to think he’d get shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closing Statements

**Author's Note:**

> Idk guys I just got around to watching these episodes and I'm so upset. Words cannot express how deeply I am mourning the loss of Will Gardner. Personally, he was someone I looked up to and it feels real to me. I can't explain. 
> 
> For the longest time I've been working on a crossover fic of The Good Wife and Suits. In my mind, there would be no better legal match for Will Gardner than Harvey Specter. I hope I can still get around to writing it after this.
> 
> I wrote this over a few hours in an effort to try and put some meaning and reason into how Will died. I hope I've done a good job and I don't make anyone that reads this mad with some of the things I wrote. 
> 
> I dunno, I feel really lost right now. It's unbeta'd hope you like it. 
> 
> If, by the off chance, you're someone who also reads my 1D fic, please continue to be patient. Chapters are becoming increasingly harder and I'm not sure why. One is coming, I promise.

When he thought about his death, this isn’t the way he thought it would happen.

He wasn’t ignorant enough to think he’d reach 80 and die in a country cottage with a nice wife by his side and a dog at his feet surrounded by pictures of his extended family, but he wasn’t arrogant enough to think he’d get shot.

Shot by his own client. A client he was more than adequately defending. It looked like they would win, too, and the ASA could shove his plea bargain right up his own ass because this kid was innocent.

Now? Well, they were way beyond plea bargains now.

He coughed lightly, an insignificant tickle in his throat interrupting his thought process.

Poor kid. There’s no way he’d be free now. Shooting two people in a room full of witnesses doesn’t really end in freedom. And he was so sure he was wrongly accused.

Diane was slightly more apprehensive, of course, as was her nature, but he was convinced.

She’d be so concerned if she could see him now. He couldn’t imagine seeing her looking weak. She was the strongest woman he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. And he had the pleasure of knowing quite a few.

He’d miss her greatly. She was his best friend. Not in the way that teenaged girls screeched about, but in the most important way.

He had the highest respect for her and her skills and great appreciation for her work ethic, but nothing could surpass the great joy he had at being able to share a small glass of whiskey with her at the end of a tough day. She was the one who warned him against wrong doings but merely arched a quizzical eyebrow in his direction when a leggy blonde strode out of his office looking flushed. Non-judgemental and level headed, determined and yet so giving.

They were a partnership.

Sure, they had their problems. They sold each other out. But it didn’t matter. They were as unstoppable as it gets, until death was added to the equation.

But he was trying not to think about it. When he was younger, his sisters told him that thinking of the worst in a situation only made it happen, so he was trying to avoid it altogether.

He couldn’t think of what pearls of wisdom his sisters would sprout to him if they were here. Given the circumstances, they’d probably not say anything.

They taught him more than he could ever realise about how to think and how to live. He owes them as much as he owes Diane. They, too, were a partnership. A three-way partnership bound by blood and a love of arguing and intelligence that none of them had ever thought would end. Maybe it never will.

He’d probably never see their children grow up. Not that he cared much for children, but it would mean so much to his sisters. He couldn’t imagine not being there to see them give the same guidance to their children as they had to him. What a thing to miss out on.

There’s so much more, though.

He’d miss simple things; watching NBA games, the smell of a new tailor-made suit, the feeling of satisfaction at winning a case.

The pride he would feel whenever Kalinda would calmly enter a room and tell him exactly what would help win that case.

She was more than an employee. She was a friend. She understood his humour and his malice and his unintelligible drunk rants. She knew what it was to be career focussed and alone and agreed that it was neither a good nor bad attribute.

Kalinda was the kind of person who just got people, but he always felt as if they had a connection stronger than any other, purely because they were so similar.

They always put on brave faces for the public. He hoped they would do it once more together.

Alicia was the bravest person he knew. It took a lot of guts to come out from behind your husband’s scrutinised shadow and take on the world. And that’s what she did. That’s why he loved her.

He couldn’t speak to whether he loved her still. He couldn’t speak at all.

She broke his heart in all the possible ways. He’d defended it for so long, carefully swapping it from one hand to the other as ladies tried to make permanent places for themselves inside it. He wasn’t against long-term relationships. They just never happened to work out for him. He accepted it. He continued on with that knowledge and kept himself pretty safe.

He never knew how at risk he was, though. Swapping from hand to hand is a repetitive action and if someone is around for long enough, they soon catch on and adjust to the timing and soon their hand is in the mix without anyone knowing when it got there.

It was slow and steady.

The passion was almost instantaneous, sure, but the love took longer. It took a long time for him to realise it too.

And maybe how long it took should have been a sign of how unaligned their stars were but they didn’t mind. He wanted her in any way she would let him have her, and for a short time, he was lucky enough to have all of her.

He’d never seen her betrayal coming. It was the most pain he’d ever felt.

He wouldn’t feel the same now.

He’d opened the door for her new beginning and she repaid him by going back to her cheating husband and stealing clients from a firm that had done nothing but support her. It was as personal to him as if she had walked into his office and told him she thought he was a terrible lover.

He’d given her everything he had to give. She took it, ruined it, returned some and kept some for herself, all the while only loaning him parts of herself.

It was a rough deal.

He was bitter.

He couldn’t bring himself to feel quite so bitter about Cary.

Cary reminded him of himself. Charismatic and savvy, and so quick witted he could put even the smartest of guys to shame. He not only knew the law, he _lived_ it.

Sure, he was pissed Cary quit the firm and stole their clients, but it wasn’t unexpected. Cary was the kind of guy who was only going up in the world and needed to make moves as quickly as possible to keep on top of the game.

He admired it. He admired him.

He was one of the best opposing chair’s he’d ever faced and it was a shame to think he’d never argue with him again.

It was a shame to think he would never argue again at all.

He breathed the law deep into his lungs, felt it rush through his veins. The law was where his talents were and he devoted his life to it.

And he was good. He was damn good at his job and honestly, he deserved better than this.

He deserved better than some kid who couldn’t handle his mind shooting him in the damn throat.

He lived a life he was proud of. He helped people. He tried not to do wrong. He avoided things that would lead him down a bad path because he thought that ultimately, good deeds went rewarded. He waited, he never let pain get in the way, he rarely complained, he moved on, he worked hard, he tried so hard.

What a waste of time.

So much effort and for what?

He felt robbed.

He felt little of anything.

He blinked his eyes slowly, seeing a silhouette above him. He moved his lips and tried to tell it to leave but it remained.

He didn’t want anyone to see him like this.

He felt vulnerable.

He was dying.

He wanted to say so much.

His lips moved and the silhouette watched on.

He wanted to tell Diane that their plans must continue and to convince Kalinda to stay. He wanted to tell Cary to keep at it – be the best in Chicago. He wanted that for him. He wanted to tell Alicia that he hoped she could live now. He wanted to hold his sisters close and tell them it wasn’t a big deal, this kinda stuff happened all the time; that these risks were just part of the job.

He wanted to have them all near enough to see once more before he could hide away.

What he was trying to say was ‘ _I’ve never been so scared_ ’.

He didn’t want to be alone.

He wasn’t cold yet.

The silhouette shifted sides and his lips parted again to try and tell him no, he wasn’t going anywhere. People needed him. He needed them.

He was supposed to be fighting the good fight. He was batting for the right team and averaging higher than he expected. They were going to win the case. He was going to win and the kid would get off.

He would win and feel that same rush he’s felt 1000 times deep in his chest.

He would shake hands with the kid and turn and shake hands with Kalinda, beaming wide because they did it again.

He would return to his office and cross the carpeted reception area to clink glasses with Diane in celebration.

He would call Cary and tell him to stop stealing their clients.

But instead he gets shifted from the cold floor to the dense mattress and feels like he’s floating away.

He doesn’t want to go away. He wants to stay.

He wants to stay and have more drinks and laughs and maybe even kiss Alicia once more, but he knows he can’t.

He feels it.

When he thought about his death, this wasn’t what he thought would happen. He didn’t think he would die beside the woman of his dreams, rather surrounded by a small group of people he loved. He’d hoped that he would have had a chance to say goodbye. He would have liked to have had a plan.

But he didn’t get where he was (in life, not in death, that is) by having a plan. He was ambitious and spontaneous and just the right amount of cheeky. He was dangerous and crafty and one of the best there was in Chicago.

And unlike many of the lawyers walking the marbled floors of the courts, he didn’t rely on other people for his success.

He relied on himself.

He relied on his brains and his charm and his uncompromising stance that he deserved to be a part of the best law firm in the city. He worked hard. He was a self-made man.

He met the clients, forged the relationships, won the cases. He fought the battles, argued the details, beat the opposition.

So it makes sense that Will Gardner doesn’t die in a court room or in a hospital surrounded by people he loves.

He entered this world of deceit and law and politics on his own, with no one and nothing.

And the only fitting way for a man of such calibre to die, is alone.


End file.
